We’ve all worked for and with difficult people. The coworker
that’s never on time for anything, the boss that
leaves passive aggressive post-it’s all over the office. Minor
annoyances right? But what if you’re dealing with someone
in a position of power whose behaviour is far more insidious
or destructive? What if you’re working for someone who is a
genuine, certifiable narcissist? I have had a very serious
experience with a clinically diagnosed narcissist in my
personal life. Learning about how the true narcissist thinks
and behaves opened my eyes to the much researched
prevalence of narcissistic personality types in the business
world.
According to the US National Library of Medicine,
narcissistic personality disorder is a condition where
“people have an inflated sense of self-importance and an
extreme preoccupation with themselves.”
There are varying theories on the prevalence of narcissistic
personality disorder amongst organisational leaders.
Despite some negative experiences, I tend to lean towards
an optimistic view on the topic. I personally have directly
reported to very few narcissists in my career. They tended to
be paranoid, bullying, controlling, selfish and extremely
vain, but at heart, as with all narcissists, very insecure. Most
of my bosses thankfully, have been kind, motivating and
encouraging mentors.
Based on my own experiences, a good way to test whether
your boss is a true narcissist is to evaluate him or her against
the following ten character traits:
1. They’re control freaks: Ever worked for or with
someone that focusses on details, or micromanages issues
that are a blatant waste of their time? Senior Managers
questioning $2 expenses or trawling through phone bills?
The narcissist as a leader has a tendency to believe that in a
perfect world, every aspect of the business needs his or her
special abilities in order to run smoothly. Thus making
themselves both a bottleneck and very often a single point of
failure in an organisation.
2. They take all the credit, none of the blame: Myself
and a colleague once collaborated on a significant strategic
piece and presented it to the executive team. Our boss had
offered no input or guidance on the contents of the
presentation during it’s development, and had not asked to
review it prior to the day of delivery. At the conclusion of the
presentation, one of the senior executives commented that it
was an excellent piece of work, and asked where it had been
developed. Our boss immediately interjected by saying it
was the result of his years of experience as a Manager.
Another senior member of the team then suggested that our
implementation timeline for the plan was optimistic.
Our boss replied that the implementation timeline was the
only piece of the paper he hadn’t been involved in. As
farcical as this sounds, it happens all too often with
narcissistic personalities. A true leader will always use
inclusive language and frame successes and failures as
winning together or losing together, or better yet, give credit
to his or her team for the wins, and take ultimate
responsibility for things that don’t go well.
3. They use derogatory language: Abuse is abuse, full
stop. If your boss says something to you that you would take
offence to from a stranger at the pub, then you may be
working for a narcissist. Using derogatory language,
shouting and chastising employees in public settings are all
manifestations of a narcissistic leader's need for control and
power.
4. They bring no relationships with them: By the time
someone qualifies for a senior position in a new company,
they almost universally have significant experience in doing
similar things elsewhere in the past. A natural by-product of
this experience, is the development of strong relationships
with staff, customers and suppliers. One of the biggest red
flags I look for when working with a new senior person or
leader, is if they bring few or no customers, staff or suppliers
with them. In general, a narcissist can be adept at superficial
charm for short periods, but the inevitable slide into their
baser personalities means few of them develop relationships
that last the test of time.
5. They divide and conquer: Narcissistic leaders can be
very good at masking their own negative impacts on an
organisation by constantly undermining staff to their peers,
and creating tension between co-workers. Always
remember, if a senior person is prepared to gossip about one
of your colleagues with you, her she is most likely willing to
gossip with one of your colleagues about you.
6. They lie: This, in my view, is the biggest red flag of all. If
your leader regularly and blatantly lies, you’re probably
dealing with a narcissist. Often the lies can be trivial, but I
have seen examples where very senior leaders have heavily
embellished their work histories and accomplishments to
attain the position in the first place.
7. Nobody privately defends them: Remember, some
people are polarising. There are leaders that upset people or
have some abrasive traits, but generally, all, most or at least
some people will defend them on the grounds of competence
or effectiveness. Lenny Bruce once famously said, “the
audience is a genius.” If some or all of these ten traits are
present in a leader in your organisation and privately, none
of your colleagues disagree that he or she displays them,
then this is a strong indication you’re dealing with a
narcissist.
8. They cannot be challenged: A very big warning sign
that your boss is a narcissist is his or her reaction to being
challenged on an opinion. A true leader welcomes diversity
of views from the organisation. However, a narcissist has a
tendency to see such a challenge as an affront to his or her
belief that they hold the ultimate knowledge and decision
making power. If your boss gets mad every time you
disagree with their views, you guessed it, you probably have
a narcissist on your hands.
9. They limit subordinates access to the
organisations leadership: Ever worked somewhere and
had a leader make the attendance group at the senior
leadership meeting or board meeting progressively smaller
and smaller? This is another manifestation of the narcissists
need for absolute control. They simply do not want
dissenting views getting airtime, especially in front of their
own superiors. This is something that boards in particular
need to be very wary of, as they may be receiving a very
skewed message about what’s really happening within the
organisation.
10. They’re hypocrites: This one is very self-explanatory.
Memo: “Dear staff, in an effort to reduce costs, all travel will
be limited to minimum fares, Hyundai Getz rental cars (no
offence Hyundai Getz owners) and 2 star Hotels. Except for
me of course who will continue to sit up the front of the
plane for obvious reasons.
The obvious next question is, how do people with these
seemingly abrasive character traits get senior leadership
roles in the first place? This question actually answers itself.
Narcissists have grandiose views of their own abilities and
can be extremely convincing at expressing this during an
interview process. By the time a true narcissist has the
credentials and experience to apply for very senior roles, he
or she has become extremely adept at telling prospective
employers what they want to hear, and it takes a very skilled
interviewer to root them out.
So, what do you do if you work for a narcissist? There are
three real options, and unfortunately none of them are easy:
1. Acquiesce and just deal with the negatives that
come with working for someone that behaves in this
way: This is a tough option. For most of us, if you take sleep
out of the equation, work is more than half of our life. In my
personal view, spending that much of your life dealing with
a toxic leader cannot be worth it, regardless of the financial
rewards or other benefits.You will not grow under a
narcissistic leader unless you derive pleasure from kissing
up to to someone that treats you poorly.
2. Wait it out: Once again, this can be tough. You have the
same problems with acquiescence, but often, narcissists get
found out by their superiors and are moved on. I would
recommend waiting a narcissist out only if you set yourself a
date for exit, if the organisation does not act.
3. Get out now: This is always the preferred option. To
paraphrase the great Sun Tsu, “A good General knows when
to fight, but a great General knows when to run.” Narcissists
love to fight, especially when they’re in the senior role. If you
wrestle with pigs, you tend to get covered in mud and send
the pig home very pleased with himself. There is no chance
of a happy life under a narcissist. It truly is better to die on
your feet than live on your knees, so in my view, run, run,
run as fast as you can.
Senior managers and even boards need to be aware how
destructive a narcissistic leader can be to the value of an
organisation, and how easily they can fly under the radar. At
the end of the day, we can employ people to perform various
tasks throughout a business and meander along "getting
tasks done." What an organisation should really be looking
for from their staff, is to treat them, and remunerate them in
such as fashion as to elicit their discretionary effort. It’s this
“extra mile,” approach that ends up separating your
business from your competitors.
Pay careful attention to your staff surveys and seek advice
from people who are skilled at rooting out toxic leaders.
Staff engagement leads to customer advocacy which leads to
shareholder value. Be wary not to let a destructive leader
undermine the culture that’s needed to deliver these
outcomes.
My own experiences in this area have been rare but very
distressing at times. I hope the above may resonate with
some of you who may have experience in dealing with these
difficult characters. I’m very interested in everyone’s views
and experiences on working for someone who goes a step
beyond being a tough boss and into the realm of genuine
narcissism.